Family

Today I thought about my very own little family. I am so blessed to have my daughter Abigail and significant other. He has been the best person and best daddy someone can have. I know people make many judgements because of how a person was in the past. But the past is the past and that was high school crap. You wouldn't believe how my S/O is now. He is amazing. He works hard everyday for our family. He loves my daughter and I unconditionally. He sacrifices so much for us. What person would do that if they were selfish? Abby and I are so lucky to have him as a dad/husband/person. Sometimes I feel so bad that he has to work so much but he does it to be selfless. He doesn't care about all the material things in life. No IPad, IPod, Sunglasses, gun, car, motorcycle, or anything in of that sort is needed for him. Yes, those are nice things in life you can absolutely have. But do you actually NEED it?

I am very blessed and have been blessed my whole life. I have everything that I want. But the only thing I lacked was love from my own family. Growing up with no father was pretty hard for me. Especially since he was my best friend. My mom raised me the hard and independent way. No holding my hand, no emotions, nothing. I use to despise her for that. But my S/O taught me so much in life. No matter what I still love my mom and she tries the best she can. No matter how bad I feel for the things she's DONE to me. That was the past and she loves me but sometimes people show it in different ways. I sometimes thank her for giving me that "tough love". Because if it wasn't for that, I would sit here and rely on her for EVERYTHING.

I do everything on my own. Everything I have, it was from hard work and dedication. Everyday I live, I live it on my own. I don't depend on mommy or daddy. But I would love that emotional support. I tend to push people like friends, family, etc. away from my life because of my fear of being hurt. Being used, being abused emotionally, and just everything that comes with having a relationship with someone. I hate depending on people and hate relying on them or thinking that I need them. I like doing things on my own. That tough love, if that's what you want to call it, is what my mother gave me and that's what helped me be independent and strong on my own. That's what helped me raise my daughter on my own, be on my own, and rely on VERY little help from my family and mother. It sounds harsh but I use to ask myself why. Why is it that every other mom can hold their daughters hand through every little thing. But my mom made me walk on my own, in a strong and independent way. I thank her for that.

Do I agree with her choices? No. Would I raise my daughter with that "tough love" mentality? No. I will raise my daughter the way I choose. To show love, to show that she can be independent BUT with support from us. Will I let her throw her kids, problems, and things at me when she gets into a dilemma? NO. Will I buy her the things she needs just because she can't afford it because she spends her own money on things she WANTS? No. I want my daughter to realize that there is a huge difference between having support and being supported. For instance, if she CHOSE to have sex and chose to have a child. I will be there for her no matter what. But don't expect me to baby sit your child just because you want to go a concert or go party every weekend. That's just my opinion. In no way, shape, form, or fashion am I pointing fingers at anyone. Just an observation. Just a thought.

Anyway, I love my daughter to death. I love my significant other to death. I am so blessed. And although I have been hurt in the past. I am glad that it made me stronger and made me the independent person I am today. I'm glad I don't have to be like my own mother towards my daughter. Or at least I will try MY DAMN BEST I can to not be that way.

The moral of the story is. You can have EVERYTHING in life...but if you don't have love then you have NOTHING. I try to make the best of everything in life. I don't care about having the BEST things in life. Who cares? Those come and go. Why does it matter if you have an MacBook? Why? Why does it matter if you have an IPad? Sure I can get those things ANY DAY of the week. I am blessed enough to even be able to go get one. But life is MUCH MUCH more simpler than that. It really is. Coming from me. I have all that I want in life. A lot of things I am so blessed with that others don't have. I would never ever take it for granted. But I'd trade all of this in ..in a heartbeat to get my father back and the family time I had with him and the rest of the ones I love. True Story.